


Touch

by Anonysauce



Series: Close [2]
Category: Vinesauce (Video Blogging RPF)
Genre: Awkward Second Times, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-13 03:17:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21487474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonysauce/pseuds/Anonysauce
Summary: “How about this, then,” Vinny said, tentatively reaching to brush back some of Joel’s hair. “We try it out, just the touchy stuff. And we figure out what we like and what we don’t like, and not hold it against one another for it?” // The morning after, and the emotions therein.
Relationships: Joel Varg Johansson/Vinny
Series: Close [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1548799
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	Touch

**Author's Note:**

> Where Close was written in a week, this monster took a full six months and some change to finish. Holy crap.
> 
> All I have to say is, minor fun fact: When I checked, this fic is between one quarter and one third smut. I think that's an achievement of some kind.

Vinny woke with the slow fade-in back to existence, the last few frames of whatever he’d been dreaming about dissipating into vague half-remembered mush. Nonsense thoughts congealed into practical ones, the major being that his arm was wedged under him, pins and needles flowing through it, and he had to piss like a motherfucker.

“Fuck,” he ground out, hoarse as gravel. He rubbed his face with his living hand, absently noting the beard growth he'd need to trim, and shifted upright. 

Something felt… off.

Memories of the night prior flooded his brain, morning wood doing little to help the situation. He and Joel, their first kiss, everything that followed. That he’d even had the nerve to ask Joel if he’d be okay sleeping in his bed with him was a huge first step, but he hadn’t expected that they'd actually… touch. It made his heart rate kick up much like it had before, cementing the fact that this was a thing that was happening, and would likely continue to happen. 

But the space next to him was empty. His anxiety spiked, irrationally worried that Joel had taken off, regretted everything they did together. It took a full several seconds before his senses registered the distinct hiss of frying eggs from out in the kitchen.

“Oh, jeez,” Vinny murmured to himself. “You fucking idiot, he’s still here.”

He swung his legs off the side of the bed, stumbling upright and belatedly realizing he’d lost his boxers at some point in the night. It took a solid minute of rifling through the comforter to dig them out, nearly tripping pulling them on, but he managed to get to the door without killing himself.

The sight of Joel half-dressed and cooking eggs at his stove was simultaneously surreal yet completely normal; despite how often he’d visited, Vinny felt he couldn’t quite get used to just seeing him there. He must have been staring pretty intensely, as the moment Joel turned his head he jumped in surprise. “Holy shit, how long have you been there?”

“Uhh.” Vinny blinked, trying to get his brain to wake the fuck up. He shrugged. 

“Gonna give me heart failure, fuck.” Joel scraped the pan with the spatula a few times then clicked off the stove. “Sorry I used the last of your eggs though.”

“S’fine,” Vinny yawned, watching Joel dump the contents of the frying pan into a large bowl. He scratched at his stomach and suddenly became painfully aware of the crusted residue of last night’s adventure still clinging to his skin. He made a face and shook his hand to rid himself, however ineffectually, of the aftermath. 

“You hungry?” Joel asked, already plating up a serving. He glanced over, clearly taking in the sight of Vinny being a slightly disgusting unkempt mess, and badly hid a grin.

A surge of self-conscious mortification overcame him, all his instincts screaming to get back into his room and away from the scrutiny of another’s gaze. But more than that, he desperately needed to clean himself up.

“Uh, yeah, just.” He awkwardly edged past the couch and thumbed at the bathroom door. “I’m gonna go shower.”

He forced himself through the kitchen before Joel could say anything, pulling the door shut behind him and resting back against it. That was stupid, he thought, scowling at his reflection and the evident embarrassment flushing his face. It made no sense. They’d already seen each other naked, had pretty much done everything save actually fuck -- hell, they’d slept in the same bed. But he supposed his anxiety was just on a stupid uptick this morning. Not like Joel would actually judge him.

Still, he felt a distinct fear, almost, that Joel might come to find him unappealing, that the glow of his infatuation would wane. It was odd, he realized, to be so concerned for the relationship’s survival when Joel was the one to confess first but… he found the thought of it failing scared him. If this was going to be long term, it was inevitable that they’d witness each other at their worst; he simply found himself wondering if his worst would be too much to handle. 

His gaze traveled over the assortment of products littering the counter and sink, the half that belonged to Joel standing out to him. He sighed softly, locking eyes with his reflection again. A voice in his head that sounded more like Mike than he wanted to admit told him to unclench and deal with his emotions. If he was anxious, and if it was about anything having to do with their relationship, he needed to fucking talk to him.

“Fine,” he muttered, hopefully quiet enough Joel couldn’t hear. “I’ll do it.”

First, though, he needed to get this shit washed off, and deal with the fact that his bladder was now screaming at him. 

Some things really couldn’t wait.

* * *

When he stepped back out into the kitchen, Joel was sitting at the table still working on his breakfast, scrolling through Twitter on his phone. Vinny took a breath to steel himself and sat across from him, then quietly cleared his throat. “Can we. Like. Talk?”

Joel’s face went ashen at that, stopping chewing in surprise. Vinny realized belatedly that was the worst combination of words to give someone during the morning after period and shook his head hurriedly. “No, no, not talk like _talk,_ it’s not about regret or anything like that. I just meant, in general.”

“Oh.” Joel swallowed with some difficulty, color coming back to his face. “Um, yeah, sure.”

Vinny exhaled a long breath, leaning forward on his arms. “I guess I just wanted to say like… last night was. I had a really good time, like I said, don’t get me wrong. It’s just.” He paused, a soft huff escaping him. “I’m nervous? I woke up and you weren’t there, and I had a mini anxiety attack for no good fucking reason.” His fingers raked through his still-damp hair, catching on a snarl. “Walked out and you _were_ there, and I was standing there looking like an unmade fucking bed with cum crust on my stomach. I felt like a pile of garbage, like the last thing I wanted was for you to see me looking… like that.”

Joel’s brows knit. “I don’t have a problem with that.”

“No, I know you don’t, it’s all me. I'm not used to… someone being around when I'm. Being me, I guess, just.” He sighed, putting his chin on his hand and looking away. “I have a weird feeling this is gonna be a recurring problem.”

The soft _tink tink_ of Joel tapping his fork against the side of his bowl drew Vinny’s eyes back over. “That’s okay though, right?” he asked, reminiscent of the night prior. “We… we can be gross around each other, like normal people, and have it be okay.” There was an earnest hopefulness in Joel’s eyes behind the uncertainty that made Vinny’s heart ache in a weirdly affectionate way.

“I keep telling myself that,” he said, smiling in spite of himself. “Getting me to believe it is the hard part.”

“...Huh,” Joel said, spearing a few pieces of egg and chewing thoughtfully. “So we can basically see each other’s cocks but unshowered is something else entirely?”

Vinny failed to stifle a bark of a laugh and nodded. “Exactly?”

“Our priorities are fucked up, man.” Joel picked up his bowl and shoveled the rest of it in his mouth.

“Yeah, fuck, you’re right. ...You actually sucked my dick.”

“I did,” Joel agreed, then his eyes widened. “I sucked a dick.”

“You sure did.” Vinny felt a lot more at ease somehow, but a shadow of doubt seemed to linger over Joel the longer he spent lost in thought. “What’s wrong?”

“Uhh…” His shoulders hunched, looking entirely too sheepish for his own good. “Thing is, I… I liked it way more than I thought I would.”

“Oh. I mean. Good? That’s good, right?”

It was Joel’s turn to lean on the table and shade his face, hand across his forehead to hide his eyes. “I liked _everything_ way more than I thought I was gonna. I mean, I knew I was into you but I didn’t think I could. Y’know.” He gestured vaguely.

“There’s nothing wrong with that. I liked it too, but. I guess I kinda knew I would.” Vinny tilted his head. “You never told me if you were into other guys or not.”

“I’m not,” Joel mumbled. “Not ‘til you.”

Vinny’s heart skipped a beat, a strange cocktail of emotions running from flattery to shock fueling it. With how eager he’d been the night prior, he figured it was a safe bet to assume he was bi too. Being someone’s exception felt. Interesting. “Really?” he asked.

Joel shrugged helplessly. “I saw your fuckin’ face five years ago and bam. I dunno.”

Of all people, he thought, face warm. “Sorry.”

“Yeah, fuck you Vinny, making me gay.” Joel snorted, propping his elbow on the table and putting his fist against his cheek. “Or, like, bi or something. I still like girls. And tits. I have no idea. I’m confused.”

“It’s whatever, you don’t have to justify it.” He chuckled regardless. Joel always managed to surprise him with his unexpected displays of cuteness.

“I still haven’t told my friends or any of my mods,” Joel continued, the ever-present pinch to his brow turning up slightly. “I mean, hell, I wasn’t even planning on telling you I liked you but shitfaced-Joel had different plans.” He paused. “Not that I regret it, fuck no. I’m, uh, I guess in a weird… what’s the term, in English?”

“State of flux?” Vinny guessed.

“Yeah, that. It’s like, I don’t know how to tell them I have a boyfriend-- that I’m dating you? Without even knowing what the fuck I am.” He frowned. “But I don’t wanna sound like I’m trying to hide it.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Yeah but I mind.” Joel stopped short. “...Oh hell, you were right.”

They shared a laugh at the sheer near-miss crossover between their anxieties. Vinny hesitated a moment before extending his hand across the table, palm up. “Hey. Whenever or whatever you want to tell them is fine with me. The only person I told was Mike, but he figured it out on his own. The bastard.” Joel looked at his hand a long moment, then lightly dropped his onto it. Vinny curled his fingers around Joel’s and squeezed.

“What did, uh. What did you tell Mike?” Joel asked with guarded curiosity. 

“Oh, not much, nothing explicit anyway.” Vinny thought for a moment, recalling the day. “We’d been drinking a bit, watching something, I started telling him about… God, some joke you made, I don’t remember, and he gives me this look.”

“This one?” Joel gave Vinny a solid imitation of Mike’s suspicious squint. 

“Heh, yeah, that’s the one. And I’m like, ‘Mike, what?’ and he goes, ‘You tell me,’ while holding that damn squint. I insist he tell me what the fuck he’s giving me that look for and he just comes out and says, ‘So you two are dating, right?’”

Joel's eyes widened. “He just… said it?” 

“More or less. So I’m choking on my drink a bit fumbling trying to save it, since we didn’t really like. Discuss telling anyone, and he’s like, ‘You are, you really are, holy shit I knew it’ like he just won a bet.”

“What, like, with Tyler or Will?” 

“No, no, more like with himself.” Vinny didn’t remark that it wouldn’t surprise him if the two were also onto him; how his friends managed to see right through him was beyond him. “So I ask how in the hell he’d come to that conclusion, still trying to cover for us both, and he gives me an even more Look of a look. And he’s like, ‘C’mon, Vin, I’ve seen the way you look at guys sometimes, think I didn’t know you weren’t straight?’”

“Oh, shit, you didn’t tell him?” Joel stifled a guffaw.

“I never-- It didn’t come up, I didn’t think it’d be relevant!” Vinny resisted the urge to hide his face. “I dunno, I never thought about coming out officially, it just wasn’t in me to do. But suffice it to say Mike apparently figured it out ages ago.”

“So you told him for real, then?”

“Yeah, he pretty much nailed it. Didn’t have a problem with it, obviously, mostly just wound up saying, ‘You know you can tell me anything, right?’ and I felt a little bad I hadn’t told him any of that sooner. Said he wouldn’t tell anyone else.”

“Oh.” Joel went quiet a moment. “I don’t think I really mind if the rest of the team knows, at least.” His gaze fell to their hands. “...I trust them.”

“No rush,” Vinny assured him, and the tiny relieved smile Joel gave him warmed him from the inside out.

“Oh, there’s, um, still some eggs for you. On the counter.” Joel nodded in that direction, to a bowl half-covered with an empty plate.

“I have foil, dude,” Vinny laughed, getting up to retrieve it.

Joel threw his hands up. “Where?”

Without a word, Vinny opened one of the drawers, pointed to it, and closed it again.

“Fuck you.” Joel folded his arms and sat back in his chair. “Plate’s just as good.”

“Next you’re gonna tell me that’s how they do it in Sweden.” Now that he had food in front of him, Vinny realized just how damn hungry he was. He leaned against the counter, scarfing down several forkfuls without much of a pause for breath in between. “Jesus,” he said, mouth full. “These are good?”

“Why do you sound so surprised?” Joel fake-pouted at him. “I’ve been cooking shit on my own for years.”

“I've never had anything you made, ‘cause every time you've visited we just get shitty takeout and fast food.” He jabbed his fork in Joel's direction. “And that's all you, wanting to have American this and American that.”

“The fact that you even had eggs was a miracle,” Joel shot back. 

“Hey, I cook too.” Joel gave him a flat, disbelieving look. “I'm serious. Not well, mind you, but I do.” When Joel's expression didn't change, he sighed. “Okay, it's like, solely egg stuff. That's why I have eggs.”

“Guess I'll have to teach you,” Joel said, getting up to drop his dish in the sink. “Can't believe you survived this long only knowing how to make eggs…”

Vinny caught him around the waist at the counter. “If you're doing this just to get a romantic candlelit dinner out of me, forget it.”

“If you think us watching your house burn down is romantic, sure.” Joel’s eyes flicked down to the arm around him before letting himself relax into the hold.

“I figure you of all people love watching shit burn down,” Vinny replied.

The mere act of holding Joel like this, in an outwardly affectionate way, made his stomach feel twisty again. Joel looked like he had another snarky response planned, but seemed distracted by their sudden closeness. They held each other’s gaze for a long moment, before Vinny leaned just close enough to brush his lips against Joel’s in a calculated test of boundaries.

To his relief, Joel didn’t pull away. He did scoff lightly, a noise between a laugh and a snort, with the sort of tone suggesting he thought it was a silly move. “Is this a thing now?” he asked, quieter than before. 

"Do you want it to be a thing?”

“...I don’t not want it to be,” he said in the most noncommittal way possible. His hand found Vinny’s waist and rested uneasily there. “I just never. Uh. Even with girlfriends before, there wasn’t. This.”

“This meaning…?”

Joel looked away, thinking hard. “Well, like. I dunno, I never slept over and made breakfast for someone I was dating and then we hung out in the kitchen in our pajamas half-cuddling?”

“You mean like, it’s domestic,” Vinny offered by way of explanation. 

“Yeah, exactly.”

His brows turned up in concern. “Is it weird, then? You don’t like it?”

Joel sighed. “No, I can’t figure out how I feel about it, that's the problem. We’ve known each other for such a long time but even when we’ve hung out in person, it’s not like we ever… touched?” His other hand slid up Vinny's arm, slow and deliberate. “Last night being the first time, I guess, that we had that kind of. That kind of contact.”

“And it was mostly sex stuff, yeah,” Vinny agreed.

“Not even that, I just meant any kind of contact.” He focused on his hand on Vinny's arm. “It makes it. Like. Real?”

“Ohh.” That’s what he meant, Vinny realized. He tried to puzzle out into words how to express it; for all that he had a degree in English, wordsmithing wasn’t coming easily to him today. “We never really had a physical component to our relationship before, so it’s uncharted territory, is what you’re saying.”

Joel nodded. “And just in general, I’ve been… like this with girls I’ve dated but it’s. Different. It’s. It’s you, you know?”

There were a lot of things that could mean, Vinny reasoned -- that he was a guy, that he was a streamer Joel had watched for years, that he was Joel’s crush turned boyfriend -- but he understood the implication regardless. There weren’t exactly unspoken guidelines to dating someone of the same gender.

“How about this, then,” Vinny said, tentatively reaching to brush back some of Joel’s hair. “We try it out, just the touchy stuff. And we figure out what we like and what we don’t like, and not hold it against one another for it?”

Vinny didn’t fail to notice the way Joel’s eyelids fluttered at the touch, or the barely suppressed shiver. “Mm, yeah, that sounds good.”

“You wanna watch something, a movie, some Star Trek?”

“Sure.” Joel slid out of his hold towards the bathroom. “Just give me a minute to clean up.”

Vinny let him go, heading back to his room to throw some sweatpants on before returning to the living room. He spent a moment perusing his DVD collection, trying to find where his and Joel’s tastes aligned in a movie they hadn’t already watched the last time he visited. He hovered briefly over The Room, but dismissed it almost immediately -- if he was going to have an intimate snuggle-fest, the last thing he needed was Tommy Wiseau going on in the background.

Star Trek it was, with the added bonus that they’d both seen enough of it that it didn’t require their full attention. He threw the first disc for season four on and settled on the couch, fiddling with the setup. A few minutes later Joel sat beside him, carrying with him the crisp scent of fresh deodorant, just in time for the cold open of “Family.”

“What, no ‘Best of Both Worlds, Part Two’?” Joel asked, giving him a sideways look.

“Would be kind of weird without the context of Part One,” Vinny reasoned, leaning back into the cushions and returning the look.

Joel seemed to consider this, then lowered his gaze in the direction of Vinny’s side. Vinny took it as an invitation and reached to snake his arm behind him, setting his hand gently on his hip. A few seconds passed before Joel scooted closer, until they were within centimeters of a true cuddle. The tension emanating off Joel was nearly tangible; Vinny sensed he was pushing his own comfort zone by sheer force of will.

“We don’t have to,” he murmured, but Joel shook his head. Sheer force of will indeed.

Vinny only half paid attention to the episode, rambling thoughts and ideas of what he could say overlaid on Picard and his brother arguing in the vineyard. When he finally thought he had something in mind, Joel rested his head on his shoulder and sighed. The sudden closeness brought vibrant memories of last night to the surface and sent his thought process to a screeching halt. Vinny swallowed audibly, then tilted his head to return the gesture.

They stayed like that through the episode’s end. When the credits rolled, Joel made a soft hum of consideration. “This is kinda… I dunno, it’s weird, but it’s nice?”

“Mm, yeah, nicer than it is weird for me.” Vinny rubbed the pad of his thumb just above Joel’s waistband, inwardly pleased by the way the skin there felt. “But you’re okay, right?”

“Yeah.” Joel took a breath, then more firmly eased up against Vinny’s side. “It’s not like we weren’t cuddling before, last night.”

“True.” Vinny looked down at him, making sure he was comfortable. “Granted we were both knocked out, so I dunno how much of that was just ‘cause we were too tired to give a shit.”

Joel laughed. “Is that the secret, then? We both get horny as balls, fuck until we can’t see straight, and then we get to cuddle without freaking out?”

They both immediately dissolved into fits of giggles, Joel leaning the majority of his weight into him as he struggled for breath. Vinny took the opportunity to pull him close, turning enough to let him rest against his chest. Joel's laughter slowed, morphing into peering up at Vinny with an unreadable look. 

Vinny sensed the tension returning to him. “Is this okay?”

“It, um.” Joel's gaze darted from the TV to his proximity to Vinny, then up to Vinny's face again.

A few seconds later, he leaned up and kissed him, the first time he’d actually initiated it. It took Vinny’s brain a moment to catch up, finding himself returning the kiss before he could consciously contribute to it. Joel seemed to melt into it, pressing closer, the prior tension all but evaporated instantly. Vinny held him tighter, letting Joel lead whatever whim it was he was on.

That seemed to be the right move; Joel shifted, pulling Vinny down on top of him. Barely a second later, he felt Joel’s tongue swipe across his bottom lip, following the insistence and deepening the kiss. Much like the night before, his adrenaline surged at the thought that this was the second time they’d ever made out, and--

Joel pulled back and snorted. “You taste like egg.”

Vinny laughed breathlessly. “Gee, I wonder why.”

He didn’t get a second to catch his breath before Joel grabbed either side of his face and kissed him again. There was something about the neediness he found arousing, maybe in how surprising it was, in the confirmation that Joel was as into it as he said. Not that he didn’t believe him, but the clear evidence made him feel a very physical sense of elation.

They eased back into deeper, open-mouthed kisses, perhaps a little messier than either of them intended. Joel couldn’t seem to find a place for his hands, running them through Vinny’s hair to his shoulders, upper arms, one on his back. Vinny wound an arm under him, the other running down his side, unconsciously rolling his hips down.

Joel let out a strangled noise into his mouth, nails digging into Vinny’s left shoulder. Definitely into it, he thought, gently biting at his lip to test the waters. That granted him a fairly encouraging hip twitch, leading him to part from the kiss again and prop himself up on one arm. Joel stared up at him with an expression half wanting, half confused, the two at such odds with each other Vinny suppressed a chuckle. “Just wanted to see your face,” he explained, dipping his head to kiss his neck.

“Is it, uh--” Joel stammered, strained. “S’it good?”

“What, your face?” Vinny asked, lifting himself up again.

“...Yes?”

“Uh.” Vinny laughed. “Of course it is.”

Joel’s face flushed. “I-I didn’t mean to like. I just didn’t know what to say. Sorry.”

“Hey, it’s fine.” Vinny gave him what he hoped was an encouraging smile. “I think it’s, y’know. Kinda cute when you do that.”

The look Joel gave him could’ve melted steel. Vinny doubled over laughing, face in Joel's chest, receiving a playfully annoyed thwap on the head. All that did was make Vinny laugh harder. A few seconds later Joel pushed at him. “Your beard’s tickling me, fucker, get off.”

That gave him a terrible idea, but maybe for another time. “Sorry, heh.” He leveled his arm on the cushion, pulling himself partially upright until he was in essence straddling Joel’s hips. Joel squirmed minutely under him, but given their position it only drew attention to just how intimately close they were.

There was a sudden energy between them, one that made Vinny want to ask for the millionth time if Joel was all right. He had a hundred other questions, some for himself, on what they should and shouldn’t do, if it was too much, too soon, too fast. But what he wanted more than anything at the moment was a repeat of last night. 

Anything he would have asked died in his throat when the new, bolder Joel made the first move, setting his hand directly over the front of Vinny’s sweatpants. The contact drew out a very obvious, heady twitch, sending a shiver down Vinny’s spine. He was already a little hard, both from the kissing and the little bit of grinding, but the feeling of blunt-nailed fingertips hesitantly tracing the outline through fabric certainly accelerated the process.

Joel swallowed audibly, exhaling in that shaky, tentative way that after the time they’d spent together, Vinny recognized as the precursor to a difficult question. Sure enough, a moment later Joel spoke, hushed and slightly mumbled. “Is it okay if we uh. Do this? Again?”

“If you want to, absolutely,” Vinny responded, surprised at how soft he sounded to his own ears.

Relief, and a hint of eagerness, washed over Joel’s expression at that. His fingers curled to more firmly grip him, the pressure eliciting the quietest moan from Vinny’s throat. Even through two layers it felt surprisingly good, and Vinny couldn’t help bearing down a little to give Joel some attention. It wasn’t something he was used to doing (or feeling, given that he was practically sitting on Joel’s dick), but it gave him a giddy sense of satisfaction when Joel’s breathing hitched.

“D’you, um,” he started, though had to pause when Joel moved his hands to the tie on his sweatpants. “You wanna do the same thing, or, or something different?”

Joel didn’t respond for a few seconds, fiddling with the tie. “...Uh. To be honest.” Another long silence followed. “I wanna try sucking you off again, but not pussying out this time.” The words tumbled out in a messy rush, the way Joel’s face flushed afterward an obvious indicator of how hard it was for him to say.

It definitely wasn’t in him to pass up another blowjob, but Vinny had to wonder. “You’re saying that because you want to, right? Not that you think I’d be disappointed if you didn’t, or expect you to?”

“Yeah, yeah, I um.” Joel looked away. “...I said earlier, I wound up really liking it.”

Vinny nodded. “Yeah, of course, it’s not that I don’t believe you. But will you promise me one thing?”

“What’s that.”

“Let me… let me return the favor.”

The triumph he felt at Joel’s reaction, the widened eyes and the evident throb Vinny felt underneath him, he wished he could have bottled. It was telling that Joel’s hands were clearly shaking, finally getting the knot free and resting his fingers over the waistband. “...You’d do that?” he asked, something unspoken flitting between the words.

“Well, yeah, I mean. This relationship’s a two-way street.” He paused, an eyebrow lifting. “Unless you’d rather I didn’t, but considering I felt your response to that more than anything, I think you like the idea.”

Joel sputtered, inclining his head in embarrassment. “Shut the fuck up, of course I like the idea, just. Y’know. Like.” He made a few half-hearted attempts at explaining himself before shaking his head. “Nothing, whatever, you can do that later.”

Vinny opted not to push it, the issue quickly set aside with the feel of Joel’s hand fitting around his cock and tugging it out. Once again he found himself thankful that exertion warmed his touch, the little hesitant strokes becoming firmer and more confident with each passing second.

It went faster than before, the evolution into rough solid jerks. The rush of sensory memory filled Vinny’s thoughts, eyes fluttering closed, focused intently on the way Joel’s body felt under his. His own hands wandered, coming to rest just above Joel’s hips. Vinny had an appreciation at that moment for Joel’s… slightly doughier physique, his fingertips sinking into pliable, soft skin. He almost smiled as they brushed across little pleasantly textured ribbons he recognized as stretch marks. He felt the oddly cool sensation of pre running down his skin, opening his eyes in time to watch it drip off Joel’s fingers and onto his stomach. 

Shit. That was hot.

His thumb caught the bead of fluid and gently smeared it, not really thinking. His brain helpfully supplied him with the idea of his own cum streaked across Joel’s stomach, his chest, maybe dripping down his chin--

Joel made a quiet noise of surprise, nearly losing his grip from the powerful throb that train of thought elicited and the messy slick of pre coating his palm. His brows lifted, peering up with undisguised interest. The hand still at Vinny’s waistband moved to his hip, then gave an insistent nudge forward.

Vinny had to agree; if he kept up imagining that stuff before it happened, he’d jump the gun far too soon. With care, he lifted himself up onto his knees and shuffled forward until he was kneeling over Joel’s chest. The sight of his cock a scant few centimeters from Joel’s face was borderline scandalous. He swallowed, carefully planting one hand on the top of the couch, the other settling on the armrest by Joel’s head.

“If it turns out to be too much,” he managed, unable to leave a breathy edge out of his voice, “you can stop. I won't be mad.”

“I'll be fine.” Joel gripped him at the base, pausing for a moment before taking him into his mouth.

Even though Vinny was ready for it, it still drew an embarrassing noise out of him. One night, it seemed, wasn’t enough to get him past years of drought. This time however, without the unexpectedness, and with Joel’s awareness of his gag reflex, it felt a thousand times better. His fingers curled tight into the couch fabric, eyes fluttering closed.

He felt the experimental drag of tongue up the underside, to just beneath the head, then back down. The sheer sensation of something hot and wet on him was almost enough to override how clearly inexperienced Joel was. Vinny couldn’t find it in him to criticize, though, when he was with somebody who explicitly wanted to do this for him. That in and of itself, much like the previous night, went a long way.

A few moments later, Joel shifted his attention more towards the head. Presumably he had learned from the reactions he’d gotten previously, pressing the tip of his tongue against the slit but with more firmness than the last time he tried it. Vinny had to choke back a whine from the intensity of it, teetering on the edge of too much, but he refrained from telling Joel to stop. At least it seemed Joel got the message, dialed it back, then switched to just applying a light suction.

Vinny exhaled slowly, sinking into the sensation. It was easy to simply let go, all the anxiety he’d been feeling before dissolving into an intense warmth. Coupled with the literal warmth, the slow sweep of Joel’s tongue over him as he took him deeper again, the notion he’d even had worries at all seemed ludicrous.

That literal warmth disappeared as soon as he’d had that thought; Vinny opened his eyes and chanced looking downward, to see Joel pull back to catch his breath. Their eyes met for the briefest moment, and Vinny realized he must have nearly gagged, the light cast from the kitchen highlighting an unusual shine in Joel’s eyes. Something about that set off a primal part of his brain, gaze drifting to the slight sheen of saliva on Joel’s bottom lip.

God fucking dammit this was way hotter than it had any right to be.

Joel averted his gaze almost instantly, color rising to his face. Rather than speak, he adjusted his grip and moved forward again, readily taking in the few inches he could. Vinny watched almost unblinkingly, captivated by the sight -- there was something indescribable about seeing someone do this. “Joel,” he breathed out, grip on the armrest nearly white-knuckled.

That earned him a full-bodied moan, the muffled buzz making Vinny’s vision spot for a second. He let out a stuttered breath, body pitching forward. “Oh fuck,” he groaned. “I-If you do that again, I’m not gonna fuckin’ last.”

Joel’s fingers dug into his sweatpants, then loosened; Vinny heard the quiet swish of fabric from somewhere behind him, felt a hot rush of breath against his skin. He hoped he wasn’t choking him, but couldn’t summon the strength to right himself. All he could focus on was the determination Joel had to do this, the promise he made to see it through, the way his mouth felt and the heavy wet swirls of his tongue around him.

How long it had been he had no idea, his once intermittent and even breaths devolving into short, shallow ones. Joel’s technique, too, grew considerably less refined, though no less enjoyable. Familiar, pleasant tension grew in the pit of his stomach, his gaze fixed firmly on Joel’s motions and the little flashes of pale blue under lidded eyes.

God, his knees were starting to shake. His panting took a labored, tremulous turn, punctuated with moans he couldn’t suppress. “Joel,” he repeated, desperation bleeding into his voice. “I-- fuck, I’m--” He grit his teeth, trying hard to hold it back. It wouldn’t be much longer, and he knew it, but the desire for it to last still had a foothold in his mind.

There was little use in the attempt, with all the sensations mounting. Vinny took one last wavering breath, his only vocal warning before the tension unfurled. His hips jerked, the barest reflex holding it in check, every ounce of energy leaving him in short, pronounced waves. 

Beneath him, Joel inhaled sharply through his nose. Vinny hunched forward, aftershocks rippling through him, and cast his sight down to see Joel pull off of him. His eyes, glazed over from struggling to swallow, stared unseeing in the direction of the couch cushions, a few trickles of white running down his chin. Those eyes squeezed shut a second later, his left arm bumping Vinny's knee in inelegant jerks.

Vinny realized, through his post-orgasmic haze, just what Joel was doing, putting together the movements of his arm and the subtle, rhythmic slicking noises. The thought was enough to stir a final, languid little pulse out of him, right as Joel arched up and groaned his name out loud.

Just hearing that made Vinny shiver, the two gradually deflating in the aftermath. Joel gulped back little hiccups of air, turning his head slightly to regard Vinny with an expression of muted amazement. Vinny sat back gingerly, careful not to put too much of his weight on Joel, but rapidly losing the ability to stay up on his knees. 

“... Shit,” Joel murmured, astonishment evident.

“Shit,” Vinny agreed.

They stared at each other for a long moment, as if unable to fully comprehend what just happened. Joel swiped the back of his hand over his mouth, grimacing when he realized all he did was smear the cum into his beard. Vinny couldn’t help a breathless laugh at that, then struggled off of the couch to give Joel room to breathe.

Standing was a mistake, legs gelatinous and a charley horse making itself known in his left calf. Vinny awkwardly shoved himself back into his sweatpants and grappled for his computer chair, collapsing boneless into it. “Jesus,” he said, rubbing his face. “Is it bad I think I’m getting too old for this?”

“Maybe,” Joel grunted. He looked hilariously incongruent, shirtless with his pants undone on the couch. He fixed a scowl on his left hand, coated with jizz, then on the mess Vinny had left on his stomach. Vinny tossed him a roll of paper towels that had been sitting at his desk since the Spaghettio’s incident.

“Is it bad I’m gonna need to shower after every time we do this?” Joel grumbled, though he sounded amused underneath it all.

“It’s, uh, in your--” Vinny started, gesturing at his chin. 

“I know.” Joel scrubbed into his beard with a sheet, then snorted. “Can I be honest? Never thought I’d wind up having to clean your fucking cum outta my goddamn beard.”

“Stranger things have happened.” Vinny grinned, leaning heavily back in the chair. He felt great despite his body’s protests, though he knew he would definitely be feeling it later. Admittedly he felt a bit disappointed that Joel had already finished himself off, but that made him curious. “I uh, take it you liked that.”

“No shit.” Joel waggled the hand he was cleaning in Vinny's direction. He didn’t make eye contact, however, deliberately cleaning between each finger. “Guess I’m, um. Into sucking cock. Nice.”

“I’m not complaining.” Joel chuckled quietly at that. “But no, um, I’m legitimately glad. This has been… well. Can I say it’s been a surprise without that sounding like an insult?”

“Kinda has been, though.”

Vinny watched him for a few moments longer, then cast a glance at the time on his computer. It was still early, and he wasn’t due in the studio for another few hours. He took a breath, getting back up and ignoring the ache in his legs to flop beside Joel on the couch. Joel spared him a brief look before wadding up his used paper towels, head inclined.

“I meant that in a good way,” Vinny added, noticing a lot more quickly that uncertain aura hovering around Joel again. “I can’t say that I had any… preconceived notions about how this was gonna go. Me and you I mean, in real life, together like this.” He focused on his hands in his lap, rubbing his thumbs over one another. “But when I was in the bathroom earlier I kinda. Um. Realized something.”

“...What’s that?” Joel asked after a moment.

“I. I really like this. I like us.” He turned his palms up, sighing. “I’ll be perfectly honest and say I wasn’t sure before, even when I thought about it and said yes. It’s not that I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t-- I wouldn’t string you along like that. But I didn’t… realize how much I actually would like this.”

When he finally looked over, Joel was staring at him with disbelief marked with cautious optimism. It probably felt good to hear someone you really liked say something like that. Still, though, there was something in his countenance that hadn’t totally been set at ease. “Are you-- is something wrong?”

“I…” Joel started, then trailed off, eyes downcast. “...I like it too, but. I feel. I dunno.” It was another few moments before Joel spoke again. “I guess I don’t know how I feel about liking it.”

It reminded him of what Joel said earlier. Kind of funny, in a way, Vinny thought. How long he must have been struggling with this crush, with his identity, he wasn’t sure. Memories of how they used to fuck around in the early days, little hints Joel dropped, intentional or not, filtered through his mind. “Well,” he said slowly. “All I can say is, I’m definitely happy you like it. And, I mean. If you ever don’t like something, you promise you’ll tell me?”

“Yeah.” Joel nodded, but didn’t go on.

It seemed like he still didn’t really want to talk about it, and Vinny couldn’t blame him. It took him God knows how long to figure himself out, and he was the last person to come to for advice on it either. He considered asking Mike about it, tucked the idea away for later.

Joel turned the bundle of used paper towel over in his hands, then raised his eyes to meet Vinny’s. Vinny met his gaze and gave him a warm smile, hoping to imply that it really was okay whether or not he wanted to voice how he was feeling. He extended his hand, offering it to him, pleased when Joel set the towels aside and took it.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “I don’t mean to get weird about this shit.”

“It’s fine, really,” Vinny said, lacing their fingers. He glanced back at the TV, where Star Trek was still whiling along in the background. “We have a few hours to kill, you down for watching more?”

“If you let me go wash my face before I have to shave my beard off, yeah,” Joel retorted, though Vinny knew the biting tone meant things were back to normal.

Vinny laughed. “Go ahead, then. Even if I wouldn’t mind a little throwback to the baby-face Joel days.”

“Pfft, fuck that.” Regardless, Joel grinned, sliding his hand out of Vinny’s and scooping up the paper towels again. Vinny watched him head back to the kitchen, lob the mess into the trash, and disappear into the bathroom. 

A strong surge of affection filled him, thinking back on everything they’d talked about. Being able to say out loud that he was happy they were together felt like a huge weight off of him. He hoped maybe soon Joel would be able to tell him what was on his mind, but for now, it was all right if he didn’t.

And sure, maybe things weren’t perfect -- not like they’d ever be -- but he certainly felt a lot happier than he had in ages.

That was enough.

* * *

_“Hey. Good evening. Welcome to the stream. Got some really good shit for you guys tonight. ...No co-op tonight, no, Joel’s still recovering from jet lag. We’ll probably do Smash or Mario Kart tomorrow, dunno yet. It’ll be fun. …‘Vinny, you sound less dead than usual, did something happen?’ Heh. No, not really. Just had a good day today. Really good day. Anyway.”_


End file.
